I am sitting here looking out the window on this cold but very pretty morning. The snow is falling and it’s the perfect kind. Huge, fluffy, white flakes that hit the ground and evenly cover it like a soft, fluffy blanket. The kind of snow that’s just begging for you to go outside and build a snowman!! The kind of snow, that makes me want to bundle Matthew up, so he can go out and play! He would have loved this day!! I would have spent hours trying to come up with ways to keep him inside for as long as I could so that my hands and feet would be able to thaw out before his next round of fun.
But it doesn’t take a long time, looking out my window this morning, before a blizzard of thoughts start to spin in my head. It can very quickly turn from this reflex reaction of going outside to play, and all of the other memories of fun times, to the crushing grief of the realization that from now on, there will be no new memories.
So, today, I am trying to take those happy memories and stay with them. Instead of moving quickly through the moments that I had with Matthew, digging deeper into them and to remember the details. To not remember just the activities but the feelings and emotions and expressions that came with them. When I do that, I am able to realize that my sweet boy is still with me and teaches me something new almost everyday. When I am remembering moments spent with him and thinking about how he has inspired me and what he has inspired us to do with Matthew’s Helping Hands, I feel like I have found the meaning of life.
In his ten, way too short years, Matthew made a difference to so many people. To his dad, sister and I, for sure and of course, the rest of our family too, but also to his friends, and teachers, neighbors and random people that he met on the way through his day. He made people laugh and feel special (his giggle could light up your day). He taught us that sometimes, you have to not only go the extra mile but step outside the box as you do it, in order make something work. He taught us to be creative and patient and that anything is possible and he showed us that laughter and smiles are contagious and that everyone has the potential to be your buddy. He also taught me how to be inspired. By simply being Matthew, he made this world a better place and his love and light is still making it a better place.
Matthew taught me that I want to be more like him. I want to honor him by keeping these lessons with me, and sharing them with all of my potential buddies. By sharing what he has taught us, we can spread his love and light and we can all continue to make this world a better place.