“I’m Just a Little Runt Now…”

The holidays are over and February 2nd is right around the corner. That very special day that Matthew came into this world and made it a much better place. My sweet boy, would have, SHOULD HAVE been 12 this year. I find myself always wondering how he would have changed by now. I see his friends and they are taller (not by inches but by feet) and their voices are deeper and some of them even have the beginnings of soft little mustaches. I wonder how tall Matthew would be and if he would have “beards” just like his daddy. He would get so angry and frustrated because he wanted to grow. I would always tell him that he was growing everyday and that he would be bigger soon. Even one of his favorite lines from a movie that he picked up, from Disney’s the Fox and the Hound showed just how much he wanted to grow up. “I’m just a little runt now, but I’ll grow”.

I hate that I was wrong! I hate that he will never get to be bigger and that we will never get to see how tall he would be or what his sweet voice would sound like as he got bigger and that we won’t get to see the amazing things that he would have accomplished. I hate that it will always be hard to watch his friends grow and change and that we will always have to wonder about our sweet Matthew.

For us, Matthew will always be that sweet, handsome 10 year old boy. On his birthday, we will celebrate our baby and our amazing, silly, sweet, funny boy and we will mark the years. We will also grieve and mourn, not only that sweet 10 year old that we love with all of our hearts but also the teenager and man that he never got the chance to be. We will miss him and love him endlessly.